Back In The Sun
by many things converge
Summary: When you make a decsision, make it wisely. People have many different ways of thinking, so wisdom is different for everyone. Vash thinks about his decsision concerning Knives, and returns from the desert. *now a story* *Chapter two is up!*
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This is my first trigun fic. It's a one-shot on Vash, and what he thinks about when he's heading off to face Knives. There's angsty goodness, and mentions of Vash/Meryl. Enjoy! 

Oh yeah! Things in both bold an italics are things he remembers people or himself saying. Things in just plain italics are things he's thinking now. Excluding, of course, the title and author. But you probably already knew that ^_^;;   
  
  
  
  
**_Back In The Sun_**   
  
  
  
_by Sarah Peabody_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It seems like it was such a long time ago, and miles back. Was it really just yesterday that I had stood on that cliff, sanding whipping up a storm farther out accross the desert? Somehow, I want it to be so long ago. Long enough that I could forget what I'd done; the thing I had taken. 

**_Nobody has the right to take the life of another, because everybody deserves a future..._**

_You were right, Rem. You were right, too, Meryl..._

It comes to me again. I see myself in him. Begging for death, because he had commited so many wrongs. Because he couldn't stop. But I had always dreamed of peace. It was as elusive as the wind, and appeared less and less frequently. Turmoil seemed to trail behind me in the dust my footfalls left. And yet she kept following me. I told her not to, but she kept on following me. I killed a man, and she forgave me, took care of me. She said I slept for ten days straight. And she smiled at me, asked me to stay with her, and I will. As soon as I've done what it is Rem told me to do. 

**_Vash, take care of Knives..._**

And I said I would. I will; I have to save my brother. From himself. 

I stand on the edge of a cliff. Not the same one, but they all look similar on this planet. It is a long way down to the swirling sandstorm below. I turn back, and begin my slow descent down and around the cliff to the bottom. Slung against my back I carry a cross wrapped in cloth and leather straps. At least, that's what it looks like. The preacher once told me that it was heavy because it was so full of mercy. But now I know what is in there, and the only reason I carry it is because Millie said Woolfewood would've wanted me to. 

**_It's been a pleasure, Vash The Stampede..._**

**_Hey, what kinda preacher man are you, anyway?!_**

I smile as I reach the swirling dust. It envelopes me completely, and I welcome the roaring silence for a moment. I once accepted this as my fate: the silence of the lonely walk. A nomad, unwanted by the people he tried to save. But I had caused destruction, too. I think about July, and Augusta. In July, it was Knives, and in Augusta, it was his servants. They started the process, but I let it finish. I grimace. My eyes sting from sweat, sand, and tears. 

I emerge from the rushing winds minutes later. I wipe the tears away. I can't cry now. I need to take care of Knives. I walk on. 

**_If you keep your vision clear, you will see the future..._**

_Okay, Rem. Okay..._

_Forgive me..._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**A/N:** Hokay, so was that good? I liked it. *kills the fly that won't stop landing on her* DIEEEE, spawn of SATAN!!!!!!!! Grrrrrr..... ^_^ Anyway! See that button in the bottom left corner? Yeah? Good! Press it and a magic box will appear and you can review! It's amazing, ne? ^_~ I appreciate reviews, yup I do! 

Much *evil* love,   
ChasingMaybe 


	2. Desert Tears

A/N: Okay, so I just couldn't help but make this into a longer story, if only because of the wonderful reviews I got (and my rampant imagination). Be forewarned though, I am currently working on a big InuYasha fic, so I'll try to upload both equally. Although I've been popping chapters out me arse for the Inu fic. ^_^ I'll try to do the same with this one too. ANYWAY! I hope you enjoy this, and God I hope this works.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Back In The Sun_**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
_Chapter One: Desert Tears_   
  
  
**_"You're gonna cary that weight..."_**   
  
~*~   
  
_Is it right, what I have done? The thing that I have taken... life... But, was it ever really in him to begin with? True life? Or was he just an empty shell, filled with only hate? I have to believe that if only... if only to keep my sanity. _

His cold body is slung over my shoulder, and I'm careful not to get the cross I still carry in the way. His heartbeat stopped soon after I shot him. And I still can't help but wonder: Did I do the right thing? 

I think I'll always ask myself that question. An escape from pain. Yes. A paradise where everything is right. I can only hope that he's there now, all the hate gone from him. I can only hope, and I must convince myself, that now he's free... 

*** 

I waited there all night. Millie stayed with me, of course, but she fell asleep leaning against me. I didn't mind, really, I just sat staring out at the deep blue horizon, hoping to see him, if only for a moment. It seemed unreal to me that he had set out to do the one thing he'd always tried to prevent from happening. I was scared that it would change him, and I almost wished he wouldn't kill his brother. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted Vash to be selfish. Of course, I knew he never would be, so I wouldn't be either. 

I sat there thinking as I stared all night into the ever-lightening blue sky. Dawn broke, and I was almost surprised to find a figure walking steadily toward the town. It was a tall lanky figure, with a large cross slung over his back. As he got closer, I could se his signature red coat being tossed about by the wind. 

"Vash." It was a raspy whisper in my throat. Then, before I knew it, my cheeks were washed with salty tears, and I was standing up. I'm sure Millie must've woken up at that point, considering I'd probably dropped her, but I was only concentraing on Vash. The sun rose higher behind him as he walked, and I couldn't make my legs work to go and greet him. As I saw his heaviest burden, I was glad that my legs didn't want to obey my brain. Vash was carrying his dead brother over his left shoulder. 

*** 

I had walked all night. It was cold, but I had promised Meryl I would come back, and I would. Besides, nothing seemed as if it could get as cold as Knives' body. It seemed, also, that nothing could be heavier. even the cross I also bore accross my back was light compared. But maybe that was just my conscience. 

The walk was long, and I didn't rest. I was sweaty and gross, and I didn't care. As dawn broke, I saw the outline of the town in the greying sky. I almost smiled, but a need to shift my weight reminded me of what I carried. That was when I saw her. Them. Meryl and Millie, the insurance girls, were waiting for me in the same place as where I'd left them. Meryl had just stood up and knocked Millie over, and she was crying. 

I was now only a few feet away from her. I dropped the cross, and it fell to the ground in back of me with a dull clunk. Knives went soon after, except in front of me. I layed him down there, not knowing what else to do. Only then did I notice that I was crying, that I was on my knees. I looked up and saw that Meryl was crying to. I needed her right then, and I can't explain it, but it was like she knew. She hugged me. Right over my brother's corpse. She reached over and hugged me. I thought she would be afraid. I thought they all would. 

But one by one, the townspeople came out of their houses to go to work, or just to watch the sunrise, and they stayed to watch something else. There was a girl hugging a man in a red coat over the body of the man who was once his brother. They all knew who it was. The coat and gun said it all. He was Vash the Stampede. And he was bawling his eyes out in the arms of an insurance girl who had stayed with him even when he had killed a man.   
  
  
  
  
A/N: What'd ya think? I know it was short, but it's the best I can do right now, 'kay? Anyhoo, feel free to review. Yes, by the way, that quote is from Cowboy Bebop, but I didn't wanna put it up there 'cause it just wouldn't look right. I really hope you liked the first chapter. I'm noticing that this one, also, could be a one shot; but there'll be more cliffhangers! Promise! 

Next Time: 

_Sometimes you don't think of what you're doing. You just know that you have to do it. Whether it's because it was assigned to you, or because you made a promise... you know you have to. It doesn't hit you until it's over, exactly what it is you've done. Can you face what will happen when that time finally comes?_

**_Consequence_**


	3. Consequence

**A/N:** WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! FFN is down...... *sniff* Though, by the time you read this, it'll be back up again, but oh well. What am I gonna do about it, huh? Nothin'. That's right. 'Cause I SUCK. ^_~ Anyway. Here is the long awaited (yeah right) next chapter. Also, I realise that in the last ep. Vash throws away his gun, coat, and glasses, but for the purposes of this fic, he didn't. I don't usually change stuff in the actual story of the show, but I wrote it in first without actually realising it. 'Kay? Oh yeah, I just wanted to clarify what I'm doing here. I honestly didn't mean to make it sound like I was doing a bunch of vignettes that would make up a larger story, because, well, I'm not. Not to say that it isn't an intruiging idea, but for my first Trigun fic, I'd rather keep it simple. ^_^ I'm doing something similar with my Yu Yu Hakusho fic "A Winter's Tale", though that's more of a series of loosely related vignettes. Themed, if you will. ANYWAY! Enough of my rambling! On with the story! HUZZAH!!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Back In The Sun_**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
_Chapter Two: Consequence_   
  
  
**_"Cast in the name of God; Ye not guilty"_**   
  
~*~   
  
_It's a strange thing people do. Living, that is. It might seems comical for me to think this, but I once dreamed of Rem, and I told her. Everything was so dry, including people's hearts. I had to wonder what would keep them going, living day after day. Was it something inherent? The survival instinct? Or was there more to it than that? An ingrained sense of hope, perhaps... _

Sometimes you don't think of what you're doing. You just know that you have to do it. Whether it's because it was assigned to you, or because you made a promise... you know you have to. It doesn't hit you until it's over, exactly what it is you've done. Can you face what will happen when that time finally comes? 

I remember the past. I remember what she said to me. Everything she said to me. 'Vash, take care of Knives.' In my heart, I made a promise. Now that I've kept it, how do I move on? How do I keep on living? 

~*~ 

Her eyes were deep grey pools that reflected my own topaz ones. She sighed, and looked into her coffee cup as she lifted it. She had a habbit of doing that, I noticed. She probably doesn't think I've noticed, but I notice a lot of things. Like how she smiled at me when she thought I wasn't looking. The surprise she felt when she found that I wasn't as terrible a man as the rumors told her I was. 

"Vash..." she trailed off, probably looking for just the right words to use in such a delicate situation. I didn't blame her, not that there was much she _could_ say. There wasn't much _anyone_ could say at that moment, I thought, that would make me feel better. I was wrong. 

"I know you think you've done something wrong. I won't lie to you, Vash. You've taken a life, and there's nothing you can do about it. But punishing yourself won't bring him back; it won't change who he was, or who he would be had he lived. I just... I hate to see you in so much pain... But Vash, you did a good thing. Think of what would've happened had he lived. More innocent lives would've been taken - if you hadn't stopped him." 

She paused, her head hung low. I noticed a tear drip on the table of the room at the inn we had come to. She was crying... for me. Again. 

"Meryl, I-" 

"There's really nothing you or anyone can do to make this better... I just wish I could... But all you can do is wait, I guess. Just keep on living. Walk the path you've chosen. I... If you need me, I'll always be here, Vash..." 

She put her coffee cup down, and braced her hands against the table as if she were being pushed against it. I placed my hand gently over hers. She looked up, almost shocked. A tear slips down my cheek and, lands like hers, on the table. 

"You've... you've already made me feel better. That's all I could ever ask of you..." And you want to give me more... but I don't deserve it... 

She squeezes my hand. I notice that she's trembling. I am too. 

*** 

I had gone to get something for us all to eat. Millie was keeping Vash company in his room while I was out. It was a dusty morning, and a group of children were hanging around near the local bakery, doing who knows what. I paused for a moment, and decided that maybe donuts would make Vash feel a little better. I'd be sure to get some real food, though, too. As I passed the group of six or so children, all of whom looked to be around the age of elleven or twelve, I saw that they were staring at something through the shop's large front window. 

_Correction_, she thought as she looked more closely at the window, _they're staring at the window, not through it._ What was written there in the dust didn't really bother her at first. 

**_10:30AM - $$30,000   
~Cobra_**

She thought it might've just been something the owner or one of the kids hadput there. Some kind of reminder, or a joke, maybe. She shrugged, and moved past the transfixed children, and into the doors of the bakery, checking her watch. 10:15. _Hmm..._ She decided to be quick about what she was doing. It wasn't out of nervousness (or at least she'd never _admit_ it was out of nervousness), but a sense of urgency to get back to Vash. Wich was partly true. He was in pretty bad shape lately. Considering he'd killed his own brother, he was in better shape than most. Maybe she _had_ actually helped him a little. She smiled at the lady behind the counter. The woman was short, and plump, and had a pleasant look about her. She radiated comfort throughout the entire store. 

"Excuse me," she said in her most genuinely polite voice, "could I get a box of twelve, no, make that twenty, plain donuts?" 

"Why you most certainly can, dear." The woman went about her business, getting the box and putting all the donuts in, and setting it on the counter in front of Meryl. "That'll be fifteen double dollars, Miss." 

Meryl handed over the money, still smiling. She picked up the box, only to drop it back on the counter with a small thud a moment later when she felt cold metal being pressed into her mid-back, and the click of a hammer being pulled back. 

*** 

Vash was restless. Despite his lethargic nature of late, he felt like he needed to be doing something. He leaned out the window to look down at the activity of the people of the town. He expected to see children playing, men and women alike going about their business as usual. The site that greeted his eyes in it's place was disturbing. It wasn't gruesome, or perverted, or anything overtly revolting. It was... nothing. 

There was no movement on a street where he had heard children shouting and playing not a moment ago. This situation seemed familiar somehow. As if it had happened to him before. And then it clicked in his mind. This was what it had been like after July. He could've sworn he had heard the children, and then, there was nothing. 

He slowly moved back from the window, and toward the bed at the far side of the room. 

"Mr.Vash?" Millie had just come back to the room after using the facilities, and was now standing about three feet away from Vash. "What are you doing? Oh... Why are you taking that out now, Mr.Vash?" 

He had reached under the bed, and pulled out a box. Opening it, he laid out it's contents on the bed. He hadn't worn these clothes since he came back, and he had almost considered throwing his gun away, though somehow Meryl had convinced him to keep it. It had been a month since that day. 

"Somebody needs me." 

It was all he said as he once more donned the costume of the Humanoid Typhoon, Vash The Stampede. 

  
  
  
**A/N:** Wow. It's almost 2:30AM. Grrrrr.... It's all for you people, ya know?! Okay, so I'm usually up this late, but that's not really the point, is it? No, thought not. Anyhoo, I've been thinking about this plotline, and I didn't wanna do anything too cliche, ya know? But it's really hard. So gimme time to think about this here thingy-ma-bobber, and I'm sure I'll come up with something original and beautiful. WEEHOO!! Oh yes, the quote at the top is from Big O. 

We like the Big O. 

Roger Smith rox0rZ our sox0rZ, man. 

Dig it? 

  
  
Next Time:   
_It's never enough to just be who you are, if you are doing it for everyone else. So he became disillusioned with humanity, and became what they wanted him to be, what they thought he was, despite himself. He did not see the true answer..._

**_The Price of Love_**


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